The Co-Parenting Compass - Attribution Bias (RESOURCE)

Attribution Bias in Co-Parenting: What It Is, How It Affects Kids and What to Do About It

What Is Attribution Bias?

Attribution bias is the habit of explaining someone’s behavior based on their character or motives instead of the situation they are in. In parenting, this often sounds like:
• “My child is being difficult on purpose.”
• “My co-parent is late because they do not care about my time.”

These are called internal attributions, meaning the assumption is that behavior reflects personality flaws. But there are often external explanations as well. A child may be tired, overwhelmed, or hungry. A co-parent may have been caught in traffic or distracted by work.

In co-parenting, attribution bias shows up in two ways. First, toward children, when parents assume misbehavior is deliberate rather than situational. Second, toward the other parent, when one assumes they are uncooperative or undermining instead of considering stress or different perspectives.

How Attribution Bias Affects Children

Attribution bias in parenting is not harmless. Research shows it shapes how children see themselves and others.

Children internalize it. When parents assume kids act out on purpose, children may develop a hostile attribution bias of their own. They begin to interpret neutral peer behavior as hostile, which can lead to more conflict (Lee et al., 2018).

Parenting becomes harsher. Parents who believe misbehavior reflects character are more likely to respond with hostility and less warmth. This pattern predicts greater behavioral problems and weaker emotion regulation in children (Li et al., 2023).

Children’s interpretations shift. Parental explanations influence how children explain behavior in their own friendships. When parents focus on blame, children become more likely to assume hostility in social interactions (Acar et al., 2025).

How Attribution Bias Affects Co-Parenting

Attribution bias also impacts the way parents interpret each other’s actions.

Assuming the worst. One parent may think “They did not enforce bedtime because they want to undermine me” instead of “Maybe they did not realize I had already set that limit.”

Conflict increases. When negative assumptions build up, small disagreements escalate into cycles of tension.

Children feel the impact. Studies show that poor co-parenting cooperation is linked to children’s greater emotional dysregulation and problem behaviors. High quality co-parenting, by contrast, supports children’s emotional stability and prosocial behavior (Pan et al., 2025).

How to Address Attribution Bias

Step 1. Build awareness. Notice when you jump to an internal attribution such as “They do not care” instead of considering situational explanations.

Step 2. Pause and reframe. Before reacting, ask yourself “What else could explain this?” Fatigue, stress, hunger, or miscommunication may be the real drivers.

Step 3. Communicate with your co-parent. Share interpretations instead of assuming. For example, “I thought he slammed the door to be rude. What was your take?”

Step 4. Model for children. Try saying “You seem frustrated. Maybe you were tired?” This helps children feel understood and teaches them to consider multiple explanations.

Step 5. Stay consistent. Work with your co-parent to respond in aligned ways. Consistency provides children with stability and lowers stress.

Step 6. Repair when necessary. If you misjudge, acknowledge it: “I thought you did not care, but now I see you were busy.” Repairing restores trust for both children and co-parents.

Quick Bias-Check Questions

Am I assuming bad intent
Could there be outside factors
Am I reacting from my own stress
Would I give a stranger more benefit of the doubt
How can I reframe this in a way that builds trust

Final Thought

Attribution bias is a normal shortcut our brains take, but in co-parenting it can create unnecessary conflict and undermine a child’s sense of security. By pausing, reframing, and checking assumptions, parents can protect their child’s emotional world and strengthen their co-parenting partnership.

References

• Lee, S., et al. (2018). Early socialization of hostile attribution bias. Developmental Psychology. PMC link

• Li, D., et al. (2023). Parenting styles and children’s emotion management skills: The mediating roles of self-control and peer interactions. Frontiers in Psychology. Full text

• Acar, I. H., et al. (2025). Dyadic examination of children’s emotion regulation, parental self-compassion, and coparenting relationships. Early Childhood Education Journal. Springer link

• Pan, B., et al. (2025). Parental co-parenting quality, children’s emotion regulation abilities and prosocial behavior: A person-centered approach. Frontiers in Psychology. PMC link